Where Does Family Ministry Fit In The Big Picture?

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 Let's explore some big questions about Family Ministry.

• What is the role of Family Ministry? 
• Where does it fit into the overall theme of the Bible?  
• What does Family Ministry have to do with God's plan for the world?  
• How does Family Ministry relate to the Great Commission of the church?
• How can the church be more effective in missions, small group ministry, and children's ministry?
• Is Family Ministry anything more than just the newest trend in the Christian community?
• Does Family Ministry apply to singles or people who are not parents?

These questions and many more are answered in Dr. Rob Rienow's FREE audio presentation The Essential Role of the Family for World Evangelism.

The Essential Role of the Family for World Evangelism

Click on the link above to listen today.  Please share your thoughts in the comments.

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God's Love for My Children

This is the final post in a 5-part series about perfectionism.  Previous entries can be found here:

                        How Do I Measure Up As A Christian Mother?
                        The Slippery Slope of Perfectionism
                        The Source of My Perfectionism
                        The Remedy for My Perfectionism

Photo:  Microsoft Images

This series has been about my own personal struggle with the discouragement.  II Corinthians 10:12 tell us, these comparisons amongst ourselves are unwise.  Even with this knowledge, I slip into the habit of de-valuing my parenting efforts when I compare myself with others or with my own fantasy of the ideal Christian mother.  I have come face-to-face with the reality that this hinders God's plan for my family--the exact opposite of my good intentions.


As I consider the effects of my own perfectionism, I realize the importance of trusting God to my parenting.  The underlying question I have to ask myself is this:  Do I underestimate God's love for my children?  I call them "my" children.  But truly they are His children whom He has so graciously entrusted into my care.  In turn, I need to trust and rely on Him.  He knows what He is doing--even when I can't see the end result or the steps to get there.
 

 I've collected some scriptures describing God's boundless love for my children:

Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.  
          - Psalm 103:13

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 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them. 
          - Psalm 139:13-16

Can a woman forget her nursing child
And have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
          - Isaiah 49:15

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?
          - Luke 11:13

My eyes should be riveted on my Savior (Heb. 12:2).  Keeping my attention focused on Him involves turning my sights away from myself and my shortcomings.  Years ago, I heard a talk by Linda Anderson, Founder of Mom to Mom ministries, speak to a group of mothers.  What she said has stuck with me for years: "We're not called to be Jesus to our children.  We're called to point them to Jesus."  Let's cast off the burden of perfectionism.  Let's replace it with:

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 Trust in His plan

Trust in His methods

Trust in His ability to overcome

Trust in His love for us (imperfect though we are) & our children.

Let's trust in the promise contained in Proverbs 3:5-6 and be encouraged by it:

  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not rely on your own insight.
 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

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The Remedy For My Perfectionism

This post is a continuation of a series.  Here are links to the previous posts:
                        How Do I Measure Up As A Christian Mother?
                        The Slippery Slope of Perfectionism
                        The Source of My Perfectionism

So what is the answer?  How can I remedy this negative pattern of perfectionism and discouragement?  How can I stand up under this assault and not be overcome?

The answer is printed plainly in God's Word.   Ephesians 6:16 says to "take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one."  At the core of my perfectionism is a lack of faith in God.  Satan sees this weakness and exploits it, attacking my efforts to disciple my children. 

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With greater faith, I can overcome perfectionism and discouragement.  To strengthen my shield of faith, I started reading scriptures about trusting God.  What I found time and again is that faith in God is linked to rejoicing (the very opposite of the despair I feel from the burden of perfectionism).  Let me share some of my favorite examples:

   But let all who take refuge in You be glad,

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   Let them ever sing for joy;
   And may You shelter them,
   That those who love Your name may exult in You. 
          -Psalm 5:11

  But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
  My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. 
          -Psalm 13:5

  The Lord is my strength and my shield;
     my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
  My heart leaps for joy,
     and with my song I praise him. 
          -Psalm 28:7

  For You have been my help,
  And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. 
          -Psalm 63:7

   The righteous man will be glad in the Lord and will take refuge in Him;
   And all the upright in heart will glory. 
         -Psalm 64:10

In his book Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions, George Barna states, "In the end, one of  the greatest lessons you can learn is that raising spiritual champions is beyond your capabilities--but not beyond your personal responsibility."  God doesn't expect perfection from us.  Instead, He requires that we avoid the trap of discouragement and passivity.  It is our duty to guide our children's development of faith. If we follow Him, He fills in where we lack.  The process of spiritual training takes steadfast effort.  May God bless every minute we spend and every ounce of energy that we devote to leading our children closer to Him.

To conclude this series, my next post will dig deeper into the Bible to explore The Depth Of God's Love For My Children. 

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The Source of My Perfectionism

This post is a continuation of a series about perfectionism.  

To catch up on the prior discussion, please read:

 How Do I Measure Up As A Christian Mother 

 and

 The Slippery Slope of Perfectionism

Photo:  happykatie

So where does this perfectionism come from?  What is the source?   The more accurate question is Who is the source? 

Throughout this series, these words "perfectionism" and "discouragement" come up again and again.  They sound rather benign.  They are not.  The Bible compares our Christian walk to the life of a soldier (2 Timothy 2:3-4.)  We are in the midst of a spiritual war (Ephesians 6).   Let's acknowledge perfectionism for what it is--a tool of Satan designed to discourage.  The resultant feeling of despair is the exact opposite of the joy that is in God's presence (1 Chronicles 16:27, Galatians 5:22-23). 

The weapon of discouragement has the potential to stop us from moving in the direction we should be--closer to God and more reliant on Him.  Perfectionism and discouragement are potent forces that have the power to be destructive to my family.  When I allow it, feelings of despair bring God's plan for my children to a standstill.  Satan hates family.  He will use every possible angle to attack Christian families.

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At times, I feel unqualified to fight in this spiritual war.  But God will not desert me and send me into a losing battle without defenses.  The Bible provides us with specific instructions from the greatest General, the greatest Military Strategist.  He has a battle plan.  He knows the enemy and knows and His forces.  (After all, He created all of us.)  He knows how we can win.  He has told us the best way to fight.  We cannot expect to prevail for our children's spiritual futures if we are following our own flawed reasoning.

Our first efforts at discipling our children will not be perfect.  Becoming equipped for battle is not a one-time event.  Our preparation involves more than making a decision.  A soldier's training is a process that requires quality resources, training, mentoring, and communication with the Leader.   It is essential that we maintain consistent effort and perseverance--on a day-to-day basis--if we are to be equipped to fight.

God has inspired a beautiful verse for myself and fellow perfectionists:  " . . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things" (Philippians 4:8).  These are not the thoughts that tend to occupy the mind of a perfectionist.  God, in His graciousness, tells us that we are not to dwell on our shortcomings.

Yet it takes more than positive thinking to win the battle against perfectionism and discouragement.  I'll share more about how to win this battle in my next post The Remedy for My Perfectionism.

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The Slippery Slope of Perfectionism

This post is a continuation of How Do I Measure Up As A Christian Mother?
 

Photo:  mikep

Sometimes in the "quest to get it right, we can feel defeated."  When I first read these words by Reggie Joiner (author of Think Orange: Imagine the Impact When Church and Family Collide...), they struck a familiar chord with me.  I feel that defeat more often than I should.  My own over-enthusiasm works against me and brings me to a place of failure.  My heart's desire to disciple my children crosses the line into perfectionism.  That perfectionism becomes a  stumbling block.

My inappropriate comparisons (which I shared in my last post) are the beginning step in a chain reaction that is counter-productive:

PERFECTIONISM

                    leads to DISCOURAGEMENT

                                        leads to INACTIVITY

                                                            leads to NEGLECTING MY SCRIPTURAL DUTY 
                                                                               TO GOD AND MY CHILDREN

What begins as innocent observations about other Christian families leads to my own crushed spirit and dried up zeal (Proverbs 17:22).

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When I view myself through the lens of perfectionism, it skews the truth of our family.  What is the truth?

The truth is . . .

God has chosen me--imperfect as I am--to implement His plan in my children's lives.  It doesn't matter that I am imperfect.  My children don't need a perfect mother.  They need perfect grace.  And God gives it to them freely.  It is not something I can provide for them, even if I could be the ideal Christian mother. 

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The truth is . . .
Spiritual transformation is not dependent on perfect parenting.  It requires the involvement of a living Almighty God. Discouragement and defeat result in a lack of positive action.  And when I choose the path of passivity, I cease being a tool that God can use in converting the hearts of my children.

The truth is . . .
To be the mother God wants me to be, I don't need to be perfect.  I simply need to love God and follow Him.  Even better than I do, God knows my weaknesses.  Yet He has given me this task.  He has confidence that discipleship can be accomplished.

Please join me for the next part of this series where I explore The Source of My Perfectionism.  

How Do I Measure Up As A Christian Mother?

This post will be the first of a series about one of the greatest barriers that I personally face in my endeavor to train my children in the Lord.  This is the beginning of a conversation, and I invite you to join in the discussion by commenting below or sending me an email. 

We have a high calling--one that is not for the faint of heart.  We are called to disciple our children, to teach them daily about God and His ways.  Scripture is very clear that the responsibility for our children's spiritual training rests squarely on our shoulders.  This is not an undertaking that can be delegated.  Yet many of us (myself included) feel inadequate to the task.

Today I want to share with you one of the largest roadblocks I face in discipling my children: 

PERFECTIONISM.  

Without intending to, I compare myself with other parents.  I envision a grandiose image of ideal Christian parenting and know I fall very short of that vision.

• How often do I look at behavior of other children and lament the shortcomings in my own?   
• How often do  I see a parent bringing God into everyday conversation with their child and feelings about my inadequacy surface?  
• How often do I observe a parent exercising patience under pressure and feel the sharp pang of knowing my own failings?  
• How often do I see a mother following through with her plan to systematically teach her children about God and begin to feel that my own efforts are inferior? 

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How often do I conjure up evidence that I just don't measure up as a Christian mother--all because I'm not perfect?  The honest answer is:  All too often.  The Bible sends parents a very strong message that we are responsible for our children's spiritual development (Gen. 18:19, Ex. 10:2,  Ex. 12:26-27, Ex. 13: 8 & 14, Deu. 4:9-10, Deu. 6:5-9, Deu. 11:19-21, Ps. 78:5-6, Is. 38:19, Joel 1:1-3, Eph. 6:4, Acts 2:38-39).  The interesting thing about these verses is that they in no way imply that  we need to be sinless in order to fulfill God's purpose in our families.  Being equipped for the task of Biblical parenting is not the same thing as being perfect.

Please join me in the next part of this journey where I describe the "Slippery Slope of Perfectionism" and how it affects my role as a Christian mother.

How Resources Can Help Christian Parents Disciple Their Children

If you are a reader of my blog, you've probably noticed that I use a lot of resources.  Many of my ideas come from books, websites, or other blogs.  I love these resources!

Instilling God's truth, His character, and His love, in our children is no small task.  As parents and grandparents, God has given us a mission that will continually challenge us.  Yet it is a mission of utmost importance.

Many of us (myself included) struggle with how to effectively lead our children and grandchildren spiritually.  Whether we grew up in a Christian home or not, most likely we have never seen family discipleship modeled .  How do we go about impressing a child's heart with a love for God?  

Photo: Camilla Hoel

When we are in unfamiliar terrain--grappling with a perplexing new developmental stage our child is entering, making God central in our daily lives, finding a systematic approach to Biblical instruction, leading our children into a close relationship with God--resources have much to teach us.

Resources give me new ideas.  They inspire me.  They can provide step-by-step instruction.  Just seeing the book sitting on my desk reminds me to make the spiritual training of my children a priority.  The bottom line is that it's more likely to get done if I use a resource of some kind.

As parents, we all have strengths and limitations.  Resources enable me to compensate for those areas that don't come naturally to me.  For a quick example, one of my parenting strengths is providing structure.  You want me to be spontaneous?  Give me detailed instructions of exactly how to do that, and I’ll be as spontaneous as anyone. :)   I find resources that help me fill in for this weakness.  I find lists of questions, openings for spiritual discussions, “spontaneous” object lessons, and so on.  If you want to be more structured in your parenting, there are plenty of resources that can help with that also.

You are God's most important resource for your children's spiritual development.  It is not a chance occurrence that your child is in your family.  Perfect divine thought and intention is the reason you are together.  You have exactly what they need to prepare them for the Kingdom of God.  Let's trust God's amazing plans for our own lives and the lives of our children.  Let's equip ourselves so we can fulfill the wonderful purpose He has in mind for our families.

Interested in finding some quality resources and not sure where to start?  Be sure to check out my Resources page to see some of my favorites!  Looking for even more resources?  Click on the Resources and Reviews categories on the righthand sidebar.

Photo: D6 Family